Boundless by Ismée Williams

Author:Ismée Williams
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Inkyard Press
Published: 2023-03-30T15:58:29+00:00

* * *

Waipo is in the throes of cooking by the time I step inside. The aroma of soy sauce and sesame oil clings to the air like worry. But I don’t greet her. My obsidian heart sits heavy in my chest, ready to cut.

I can’t be Chinese the way she wants. I try to hate her, but then I think of all she’s done for me and I feel worse. It’s way easier to hate myself, so I do. At my desk, I prop my textbook open and stare at my Trig assignment till it pixelates. I wish I could stay in my room forever and let my empty stomach gorge on rage and guilt.

But I really have to pee. I crack my door open.

“Xiao ya tou, have you eaten yet?” My waipo’s voice rounds the corner to find me. I can’t tell if she’s angry. Before I lose my nerve, I step into the light but not where she can see my face.

“I don’t expect you to understand, but I had an awful day and want to be alone,” I blurt out in my mediocre Mandarin. “I practiced my hardest for the ‘dance’ team, but I guess I’m not perfect enough, because they don’t want me.”

When I’m done, Waipo utters a small, “Oh.” I lie about having eaten, and it barely makes a dent in my pride. Back in my room, I rest my head on my desk to feel the hardness against my skull.

Barely five minutes pass before she knocks. It’s so tentative, so un-Waipo-like, that my anger cools. She comes in, preceded by a plate rounded with spinach and tomato, eggplant and tofu in garlic sauce, steamed egg, and a bowl of rice. I close my book so she can arrange the hot food before me. While I was busy being selfish, Waipo was making my favorite dishes because she sensed something was wrong. Before she places the chopsticks by my bowl, tears have already begun streaming down my face.

Waipo takes a seat on the corner of my twin bed and says, “Come, come, come.” I close the gap between us and sink to my knees so I can hug her waist. She smells like home. She strokes my hair as I sob into her blouse.

“You remind me so much of your mother.” She pats my back as I begin to hiccup. “Did you know she had a best friend till she married?” I shake my head. “They were so close. One could not sneeze without the other knowing. Your mother used to pick wildflowers before school for her friend. They had a really special relationship.” Waipo hands me a tissue, and I blow my nose.

“What happened?” I ask.

Waipo doesn’t answer right away. “I didn’t think that being so close with another girl was healthy.” She sighs, remembering. “I told her it was time she married, so she found a husband in Taipei, they came to America—”

“And then you came, and then Mama had me,” I finish for her.

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